The Panic Button
by TheSongSmith
Summary: Just a little Jasper/Carlisle fluffers!


**Here's a little one-shot for you! It's been floating around and I recently revamped it, so I thought it was time it saw the light of day :)**

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It's so rare an occasion that the house is quiet. I sit in my office, reading a new book and enjoying the silence. The only one left in the house today is Jasper, and he's as quiet as usual, preferring to stay in his own room. Suddenly, there's a faint sound. I listen hard for a few moments, but nothing interrupts the silence. I've grown so used to noise that I'm probably imagining it now. I return to my story, but only for a moment, because a soft whimper pulls me out of it again. Okay, that wasn't my imagination. Slowly, I cross to the door, listening to the muffled sounds from the other side. Quietly, I open the door, peering out, and what I see breaks my heart. Jasper cowers in the hallway, trembling and gasping for breath as he clutches at his chest. I can tell immediately how bad it is when Jasper doesn't even notice me. I crouch down in front of him as another whimper escapes him "Jasper?" I call quietly. He jumps at my voice, his head snapping up, and I can see the terror in his eyes. "Jazz, what's wrong?" I ask softly.

"I-I don't k-know," he whispers. "I-I…I can't b-breathe. Help me C-C-Carlisle!" he pleads frantically.

I gently put a hand on his shoulder, moving slowly so as not to startle him. "Okay, Jazz," I murmur calmly, "I'm going to help, I promise. Why don't we go into my office so we can figure this out?" He hesitates for a moment before nodding. I carefully help him off the floor, putting an arm around him as he clings to me tightly, hiding his face in my shoulder. I set him down on the couch, stroking his hair gently. "Jasper?" I call. Hesitantly, the boy looks up. "It's okay," I assure him. "You're going to be okay. Let's figure this out. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I d-don't know…" he stutters. " I was…just sitting in my room, and…then my c-chest got really tight…it started h-hurting…and I j-just couldn't b-breathe."

I nod, carefully checking him for injuries. "Can you show me where it hurts?" I ask. He nods, pointing to the center of his chest. I examine it gently, but find no damage. "Okay, I think I know what's happening. It seems like you're having a panic attack."

His eyes widen slightly. "A p-panic attack?" he whimpers.

I sit down next to him. "Yes, and I know that sounds scary, but don't worry. You're going to be just fine. The good news is that it's pretty easy to fix. All you have to do is listen to me, and we're going to get through it together, okay?" He nods quickly. I gently put an arm around him, surprised and relieved when he leans into the touch. "Okay, I've got you. I know it's kind of scary right now, and that's okay, but if you can clear your mind and take deep, slow breaths, I promise it will stop. I'm not going anywhere. There's no rush. Just take your time and relax." He nods, closing his eyes for a moment and trying to control his erratic breathing. I continue to murmur to him soothingly as he gasps. "Shh, it's okay. I'm here. Deep, slow breaths. I've got you. Just calm down." He grows frustrated as he continues to struggle to control his breathing. He looks almost to the point of tears, and I can't help but open my arms to him. This seems to be the only invitation he needs, because in a second he holds onto me tightly, sobbing into my chest. I try my hardest to soothe him with both my words and my emotions. "Shh, Jasper. It's alright, son. I've got you." Slowly, the boy quiets in my arms, occasionally letting out a soft whimper. I rub soothing circles on his back as he trembles, his breathing still too tight and uneven. "Jazz?" I murmur. He looks up hesitantly. "It's okay," I murmur. "You're safe. But you need to calm down, okay? Just breathe, son."

He shakes his head. "I c-can't!" he whimpers.

"Yes you can," I assure him. "We're going to do it together." I take his hand, pressing it to my chest. "Can you feel how I'm breathing, Jasper?" He gives a short nod. "Good. Now I want you to close your eyes and try to match my breathing. In through your nose and out through your mouth. Slowly. That's all I want you to focus on right now. I'm not leaving you." He nods again, pressing closer into my side. Having a concrete goal to focus his efforts on seems to soothe Jasper's panic, and it isn't long before his breathing starts to slow. It takes a while, but eventually his breaths fall into a rhythm with mine. As breathing come easier, he gradually relaxes against me, but doesn't pull away as I expected. I continue to murmur to him quietly, rubbing his back gently. Though he's still shaking slightly, his hysteria seems to have gone. After a long time, he slowly looks up at me. "Feeling better?" I ask softly, gently brushing his hair back from his face.

He nods shakily. "Y-Yeah, I'm fine," he stammers, embarrassed. "I'm sorry…"

I hug him gently. "Jasper, you have nothing to be sorry for. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm glad you came to me for help."

He sighs. "I don't even know why I got so scared. It's not like I need to breathe to live. Vampires don't suffocate."

"No, that's true, they don't. But when things happen to our bodies unexpectedly, especially things we can't control, it's natural to panic. You are allowed to be scared, Jasper."

He nods slowly. "I know. I'm just…not used to…" he pauses, struggling for the right words.

"Being scared?" I suggest.

He shakes his head. "No, I've been scared plenty of times. What I'm not used to is…this," he says finally, gesturing to the way we're sitting. "I don't think I've been comforted like this since I was a child," he admits quietly.

I nod. "It's not often that you exhibit the emotions you're feeling enough for anyone to know. Nor is it common for you to want comfort."

"I didn't want to exhibit my emotions this time either," he says. "They just got away from me and I couldn't get them back." He hesitates. "And it's not that I don't…want comfort," he adds. "It's just that it's harder for me than for other people. Sometimes I don't know how to go from wanting it to getting it safely. Does that make sense?"

"It makes plenty of sense," I assure him. "We're all a product of our experiences. I'm sure, even from the time you would still have been comforted, you were taught that men don't do that. And like so many boys do, you tried to live up to that idea. When you were turned, it was only further reinforced. Maria doesn't seem like the hugging type. In fact, I'd bet she'd killed one or two people she deemed overemotional, probably in front of everyone else. Then it became a matter of self-preservation. If you want to live, you keep things to yourself. Things were like that for you for far longer than things have been the way they are now. So I can understand why letting those kinds of feelings out still feels unsafe to you."

He looks up at me, startled. "How did you know all that?"

I smile. "I may not know a lot about you, Jasper, but I can make a few educated guesses. Maybe I know you a little better than you think. A lot of people have felt the way that you do. The problem is just because a person stops asking for comfort doesn't mean they no longer want it. But if they feel unsafe admitting that, then they never get it."

Slowly, he nods. "I know that it's okay here," he murmurs. "When I realized I was out of control, I tried to come to your office for help. But at the very last minute I got scared of what I was doing. That's why you found me in the hallway. And of course, that didn't help with what was already going on. When I couldn't do what you told me to do, I started getting scared that you'd give up. I think that was the biggest reason behind the breakdown. I was already so scared, and I needed you, but I didn't know how to tell you."

"I would never give up on you," I assure him. "You're my son. I'm glad you came to me. I promised we'd get through it together, just like always. And we did."

He smiles slightly. "I know. Thank you for that. It really does mean a lot to me."

I hug him gently, taking advantage of the fact that he seems willing to stay tucked against my side for the time being. "I'll always be here to help Jasper, no matter what you're going through. I won't abandon you. Now that you can breathe again, can we talk about what caused this?"

He hesitates, but nods. "I don't know what it was exactly. I was just sitting in my room thinking, and it kind of came over me all of a sudden."

"Well that can happen sometimes. Were you thinking of something upsetting when it happened?"

He thinks for a moment. "Not on purpose, but it did turn out that way. I ended up thinking about Maria. You think that might be what did it?"

I nod. "I think that some of your memories of her might have gotten a bit too intense, which caused the initial panic, and it got worse from there. Once you realized it was out of control, it got a bit worse, and the sudden fear outside the door made it worse, and your worries about me giving up on you made it even worse, until eventually you just broke down."

"Is it going to happen again?" he asks hesitantly. "I really don't want it to."

I smile, lightly rubbing his back. "If you haven't had them often so far, you probably won't have one again for a long time, if ever. So I wouldn't worry about it too much. At least now you don't have to panic if it does happen. It might be a good idea to try to talk about your memories with someone else, and you know we're all here for you."

He nods, resting quietly against me as he thinks for a few minutes. He's still clearly shaken up, but he's more relaxed than I've ever seen him. "Hey dad?" he asks quietly.

"Yes Jasper?"

"I know you were probably busy, but do you think I could stay with you for a little while? I don't mean to bother you, it's just…I feel safer with you."

I smile. "You're never a bother, Jasper. I'd love it if you stayed." He smiles, reluctantly removing himself from my side and walking over to the bookshelves. He picks out a book, quickly returning to his previous spot. He hesitates for a moment before cautiously sidling closer, unsure of how to communicate what he wants. He relaxes as I put an arm around him, shyly pressing closer.

"Do we have to tell Alice about this?" he asks.

I chuckle. "Do you think she didn't see it?"

"Good point. But if she saw it, why isn't she here?"

"Well," I shrug, "You said it happened suddenly. She probably didn't have much more warning than you. She wouldn't have gotten back in time to help, and she probably also saw you coming to me. I suppose she trusted us to handle it."

He snorts. "Trusted you, maybe. I wasn't exactly handling it so well."

"You don't give yourself enough credit. You did the right thing and tried to come to me. If you hadn't have made it into the hallway, I wouldn't have known something was wrong."

"I guess. Hey dad?" he says again.

"Yes?"

"Thank you. For everything." He smiles, opening his book.

I pick my own book up again, opening it to my previously abandoned page. "You're welcome, Jasper. Any time."


End file.
